STRANGER THAN FICTION

In my second adult novel, a woman living in Ireland is sent a nude portrait of herself, painted decades earlier in South Africa, with no indication of who, or where, it has come from. Then, a year after that novel (Life Study #2) was published, a portrait painted of me in Cape Town when I was about 18 years old, arrived, with no letter or explanation, in Northern Ireland. 

In this case I knew who the sender was: a friend and neighbour from my years in Zimbabwe who had gone back to Nebraska with her American husband. We'd never seen each other again after we left Zimbabwe, but we'd had occasional online contact, which was how I discovered she'd been diagnosed with cancer. She also wrote to say that she took my first novel, The Traveller's Guide to Love, to all her chemo sessions because it made her laugh. Then her husband asked for my address because there was something she wanted him to send me, and the painting duly arrived.

 

I have no memory of how that painting left South Africa, and by then my friend was in a hospice and could no longer speak. A few days later she died. So I will never know for certain how this particular portrait went half way round the world to end up here in County Down, but it now hangs on the wall, a constant reminder of someone dear to me, and a link to both my past and my books.

I'm a very slow writer: I've only written 6 books - 3 for children and 3 for adults - and by any reasonable reckoning (and certainly in monetary terms) I am deeply unsuccessful. But there are other books I've made, hand-written and illustrated, for people in my life who have meant a great deal to me: to commemorate births and weddings (my own second marriage is recorded in Professor Gloom Meets His Match) and once for a dog. But it was one I wrote in 1988 that started it off - which brings me to the next strange link between fiction and truth ...

My third novel, as yet unpublished, begins in Zimbabwe (where I lived and worked for 18 years) and ends with a young African visitor picking up a children's book in London and wondering whether the author could possibly be the childhood friend her mother had so often told her about. 

Now, in 1985 in Harare, I made one of the closest friends of my life. Her name was Linda Buchfink. She and her husband, Gary, had come out from Canada on a 3-year contract; their two children were the same ages as ours, and all of us got on so well that we spent a great deal of time together. We shared holidays and weekend trips, meals and books and bottles of wine; and in 1987 we all went to the races to celebrate my son's 9th birthday. (It was his request and I thought that if we gave each of the four children a sum of money which - when they inevitably lost it - it would be a good life lesson about the dangers of betting. In the event, they won.) 

When their contract was up, the Buchfinks went back to Canada, and we were bereft. But before they left we gave them a book about their time in Zimbabwe. It was called The Buchfinks in Africa. I wrote it, our two older children helped me illustrate it, and my then husband designed the cover and wrote it out in beautiful calligraphy. And we all cried.

But Linda and I never lost touch. For the next few years we wrote regularly to each other, sent cards and photographs and family updates, and looked forward to the day when we would visit them in Canada. Then, in January 1994, they flew up in a helicopter to go skiing, hit the side of a mountain, and were all killed. 

Friends and neighbours kindly let me know that copies of our book had been made for all the family, and sent letters and information about their funeral and memorials, but after that we somehow lost touch. A few years later I left Zimbabwe myself, returning to Northern Ireland with my youngest child. But I'd kept all my friend's letters and photos, as well as a smudged black and white photocopy of the book we'd made, and in all the years since, she and her family have never been far from my mind. 

Then, just before Christmas, my daughter (who has a public profile) received an email from a woman in Canada asking if she was any relation to the Nicholl family who had been in Zimbabwe in the 1980s, and whom she'd been trying to contact for a very long time. Many emails, text messages and an hour-long telephone conversation later, I not only find myself in touch with two of Linda's best friends, but for the first time in more than 30 years I can see our book again in colour! 

So there you are: not just two totally unexpected connections to the past, but a reminder that what you write can be rewarded in ways you could never have imagined. It is 32 years this week since our friends died, but as the last lines of that first book read, 'The sun that sets over Africa is the same sun that rises over Canada... and good friends are never very far away if you keep them safe in your hearts.' 

 A BOOKSHOP ON BOTANIC

This one's about a bookshop: a little, much-loved, second-hand bookstore that stood for 25 years at the bottom of Belfast's Botanic Avenue; 10 minutes from Queens University, 15 minutes from City Hall, and run by a band of extraordinary volunteers. 

The first time I passed it, the window was full of theological books, so I assumed it was some sort of religious shop, and went on my way. But this was 2001: I wasn't long back from 18 years in Zimbabwe and I badly needed a job, so when I saw an advertisement for a manager some months later, and discovered that the War on Want Bookshop was a charity bookstore with no religious bent, I applied for the job. The position was offered to me with such speed that I suspected no-one else had wanted it, which didn't bode well, but the moment I stepped through the door I knew I'd found my spiritual home. 

It had that slightly dilapidated Bohemian charm that I've always loved in old bookshops - the same could be said of many of the volunteers - and I fell instantly in love with the whole place. (Well, possibly not the toilet facilities and general lack of heating, but you can't have everything.) And the theological display I'd seen was  soon explained: it seemed each volunteer had their own section and they took it in turns to dress the window. So one would fill it with books on gardening and stately homes on Monday and on Tuesday someone else would replace these with the works of Lenin and Mao Tse Tung.

They also had very strong views on what should and shouldn't be sold.  Volunteer in charge of Religion, handing me a book, 'This here's the Catholic religion, Helen. We don't sell Catholic books.' Me, handing it back: 'You do now.' 

In fact, there were Protestants, Catholics, Quakers and Communists on the staff; there were Buddhists, Muslims, Atheists and Ba'hais; housewives, academics and the unemployed. There were ageing Hippies, students both local and foreign, at least one White Witch, and arty types of every sort. In short, it was a glorious, welcoming cultural stew. And I haven't even started on the customers...

The volunteers themselves were altogether the most principled, strong-minded and free-spirited lot you could hope to meet, and they had a shared passion for their work. As one of them said, it was a place full of her favourite sorts of people: readers and lunatics. And although I was foreign, emphatic, and prone to disaster, they treated me with such kindness that I will never be able to thank them enough. They gave me meals and loans and lifts and gifts and included me in their Christmas celebrations; they brought me home-made jam and bread and took me to hospital in emergencies; one of them even shared her car. In short, they treated me, and my children, like members of their own families. 

As for the customers, they were loyal to a fault, although occasionally hard to get rid of. Once, in desperation, after pleading unsuccessfully with the last straggler to go home, I switched out the lights. Whereupon he simply took his book to the window to take advantage of the street light. Books weren't always easy to get rid of either. I carted a pile round to the local dump one evening, only to find a beaming well-wisher on the doorstep the next morning. 'Just look what I found down at the dump' she said, and staggered in with a familiar-looking crate...

But most of our customers went out of their way to help. There was the Queen's academic who sold videos to his students and brought us the proceeds; the then Attorney General who gave his time and expertise to advising us on rare books; the owners of local bookshops who sent us surplus stock; and all the Belfast book lovers who supported us for so long. And then there was John Gamble, owner of Emerald Isle Books on the Antrim Road. He was a gentle, courteous man, a noted authority on Irish books and a generous supporter of War on Want. He came every couple of months to look over anything of particular interest that we'd put aside, and each of these sessions was a master class in book evaluation. He was also a wonderful fund of stories about the book trade.

The shop not only brought me many friends (and a lot of useful material for my first adult novel, 'The Traveller's Guide to Love', which features a second-hand bookshop) it also brought me my husband. We were married in 2015 and all the volunteers were invited to the wedding - each one bringing the only present we had asked for: a second hand book. Or books. Our gifts included a full set of Dickens, a Guinness World Records in which my husband's discovery of the fastest-rotating star was listed (some blighter found a faster one soon after, so the fame was fleeting) and a magnificent collection of novels. We have them all still, reminders of friends past and present.

So along with so many others I have reason to be forever grateful for the part played in my life by the War on Want Bookshop, and to mourn the fact that it is no longer there. After I retired in 2015, the exhausting, poorly-paid, but always satisfying task of running the place passed into the expert care

of my dear friend and colleague, Rosana

Helen & Rosana

Trainor, and in the fullness of time War on Want became Self Help Africa. But in June this year it closed, along with all the other Self Help Africa shops in Northern Ireland. It happened almost overnight, with remarkably little explanation, and the distress caused to both staff and customers has been considerable. But our volunteers were never less than resilient (we threw a final party at the end of July at which the oldest merry-maker was in her nineties) and I hope that every single person who ever worked for War on Want/Self Help Africa will at least look back on their volunteering days with as much affection and gratitude as I do.

This is for them all, but especially Rosana, the Captain who went down, so to speak, with her ship...

 

TRIGGER HAPPY

WARNING!  THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG MAY CAUSE DISTRESS and I apologise for any hurt caused by previous failures to provide trigger warnings. 

Actually, I had no idea what trigger warnings were until I read some responses to an article in a literary journal, which alerted me to the fact that some modern readers feel they should be warned of any content that might distress them. My own preference would be to make an informed decision based on the blurb, then close the book and/or hurl it across the room if I found the contents displeasing. But of course we all have different requirements, although I do rather wonder where one would draw the line: 'This novel contains scenes of sex/ violence/ gluttony/ shocking behaviour in church' etc, etc? Perhaps publishers should just stick with 'This novel contains scenes from Life'? 

Anyway, I'm afraid this blog does contain shameless self-marketing because my recent novel 'Life Study #2' has been reissued with a greatly improved cover. (See above.) I have also, for the first time in my life - and I take it as a great compliment - acquired Irish Writer status. At least, I have in The Secret Bookshelf in Carrickfergus. (The book can also be bought from Amazon, and from Stewart Miller's in Holywood and Books, Paper, Scissors in Belfast.) 

The reason I'm so happy about this status is that although I have Irish family, and have lived here on and off for more than 30 years, I was born in South Africa, where my novel begins; and even though I grew up there (and later spent 18 years in Zimbabwe) I doubt that anyone thinks of me as an African writer. Of course, literary history is full of expatriate writers - and there's a great difference between choosing exile and being exiled - but there are times when we'd all like to feel we belong.

In my Irish Pages Literary Diary - bought from the Linen Hall Library because it fell open at an excerpt from Kilclief, a book of essays by an old friend, Patricia Craig. One of the quotes is from Deirdre Mask (Fitting In) in which she writes about this struggle to belong that newcomers to Ireland so often face. Mind you, there are degrees of outsider-hood: in Northern Ireland, the Irish, English, Welsh and Scots count as more or less extended family. Americans and Antipodeans are distant relatives (and there are times when we're all grateful for the distance) but by and large the rest of us are Foreign. (Although paler, English-speaking types are less foreign than others.) Anyway, the diary is beautifully produced, with well-chosen literary excerpts opposite each page of entries, just enough room to record essentials, and a few pages for Notes at the end. 

To emulate Pepys, you'll need something different: a notebook or a journal, but if you're planning to bare your soul, just bear in mind who is likely to read your diaries when you're dead. Not all family members will be as brave as Nigel Nicolson. His Portrait of a Marriage, the story of his mother Vita Sackville-West's marriage and affairs is the subject of an article by Ariane Banks in the latest edition of Slightly Foxed. (My favourite literary quarterly, now in its third decade, and long may it continue.)

Keeping a diary, or journal, is still popular, unlike letter-writing. I sometimes think I'm one of the last people on the planet to write actual paper letters and post them. (I also have a passion for stationery: for postcards, origami-inspired letters and - my new favourite - Japanese Haiku note cards.) The incomparable Edward Gorey didn't just write letters, he sent them in illustrated envelopes: 'From Ted to Tom' is a wonderful record of these glorious creations, although how they a) actually made it to the right address and b) weren't stolen en route is a mystery.

Other books I've read lately include Elisabeth de Waal's memorable 'The Exiles Return', an autobiographical novel (in a beautiful Persephone edition) about exile and a postwar return to Vienna. 'Guilty by Definition' is entirely different: an enjoyable mix of crime and language set in Oxford, by Susie Dent, and Antoine Laurain's 'An Astronomer in Love' was bought for my astronomer husband's Christmas stocking and was liked by us both. I'd also recommend Giorgio Bassani's The Gold-Rimmed Spectacles - a powerful novella about a forbidden relationship between a Jewish student and an older doctor in Fascist Italy. Lastly, I'm enjoying Ian McEwan's entertaining Sweet Tooth, as well as a collection of stories with a common theme by a variety of well-known authors: 'Ovid Metamorphosed', edited by Philip Terry, who was himself born in Belfast.

Christmas is now a distant memory, St Patrick's day has just passed and Spring is in the air. Incidentally, St Patrick's falls on the same day as that of St Gertude, the patron saint of cats. But oh no, how thoughtless of me! I've probably triggered panic attacks in half a dozen ailurophobes out there. I do apologise. And if you're thinking of buying my book, I should warn you there are multiple triggers: love, life, loss, art, food, frequent references to nudity, and a journey through changing times. You might want to read something safer. 

DISASTER PARTIES AND OTHER DIVERSIONS

Many years ago, when we lived at a school in Zimbabwe, I used to throw parties for female staff and friends - soirées, to which no men were invited. The idea was to give a group of women from many different countries and backgrounds a chance to let their hair down away from domestic obligations and get to know each other better. We ate, drank, laughed, danced and generally had a much better time than our male colleagues and partners - the nearest most of them got to parties was post-match beer drinking in the school pub. And yes, there was a school pub, probably because we were 12k from the nearest town so it was safer to have staff drinking on campus than disappearing into the night and possibly not getting back at all. (In another rural setting, three Irish friends stumbling back through the night heard a car screech to a halt, a door was flung open, and a voice yelled, 'Get in you fools - lions around!')

Back in Belfast, in a small terraced house off the Ormeau Rd, I revived the soirée habit, except that now we called them Disaster Parties, the reason being that all the women I knew led lives that were full of small disasters: work and money problems, relationships, no relationships - as well as the bigger ones: serious illness, divorce, widowhood...marriage. So we cheered ourselves up with food, wine and conversation. There wasn't room to dance in that house, but our evenings always included a bit of fortune-telling with The Ladies Oracle. 

If you've never encountered this Victorian gem, it's full of questions like 'How many lovers shall I have?' 'What must I do to please him?' and 'Should I confess all?' The answers were usually unsympathetic: 'Shall I soon be courted?' once got the response 'What fool would thus waste his time?' We always fell about laughing. The only man who ever turned up at one of these events (uninvited) was a peculiar astronomer, who was allowed to stay because of my fondness for his partner. My own Oracle forecasts were rarely favourable, but in the end I married this man, and my life took a surprising turn for the better. So much better, in fact, that I now look back on those disaster party years and marvel.

These days I have parties for writers, because God knows all writers need cheering up. We pretend we're there for serious literary discussion, but the truth is that we just eat, drink and let our hair down. And in view of the current hideous state of the world - and the approach of the so-called festive season - you might like to think about throwing a disaster party too. You don't have to do a Virginia Woolf's Mrs Ramsay, a Gatsby or a Bilbo Baggins shindig - no slow-cooked boeuf en daube, no orchestras or fireworks - you just need a few kindred spirits, and if you let everyone bring something to eat or drink, it won't even be expensive. It'll be cheaper than therapy anyway.

And, it goes without saying, stock up on books that are guaranteed to cheer, even if everyone else thinks they're rubbish.  Crime (nothing like a good murder to warm the heart) romance, biographies, whatever. Kate Atkinson's Death at the Sign of the Rook is a good bet. It descends into slightly farcical mayhem at the end, but is still immensely enjoyable - I've always liked ex-detective Jackson Brodie, and Lady Milton made me laugh out loud. (And while I'm at it, I'm re-reading Atkinson's Shrines of Gaiety: it didn't appeal first time round but, as so often happens, second time round is better.) 

I also enjoyed Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt - a surprise this, because everything about the look of this novel screamed 'You will hate me!' but the moment I began to read, I was trapped - much like the giant Pacific octopus at the heart of the story. Tova, the widowed aquarium cleaner, is a memorable character, but it was Marcellus the octopus whose voice really stole my heart. 

Amor Towles' Table for Two is next in line, then Begin Again by Ursula Orange, and several others: Danielle Dutton's Margaret the First (a novel about the first Englishwoman to write specifically for publication and described by the Guardian as 'luminous') and Nina Stibbe's Man at the Helm. 

And if you're looking for presents, there's a wonderful treat called At Home in a Book by Lauren O'Hara in which she illustrates the homes of various classic literary characters: Anne of Green Gables, A Little Princess, Sherlock Holmes, Captain Hook's ship, etc...guaranteed to appeal to any reader still eleven years old at heart. 

Lastly, let me recommend the genius of Edward Gorey. The Haunted Teacosy (A Dispirited and Distasteful Diversion for Christmas) is one of my favourites. I'm pleased to see that Gorey gets an article by Flora Neville in the winter edition of Slightly Foxed. As she writes, adults tend to underestimate children when it comes to books, and Gorey's 'speak to children as they are, not as we might wish them to be'. (PS If you really love someone who loves well-written, interesting, quirky and often forgotten books, buy them a subscription to Slightly Foxed.)

I also recommend avoiding any novels with blurbs featuring the words 'gut-wrenching' 'apocalyptic' 'toxic masculinity' 'brutality' and 'historic trauma'. But each to their own: the important thing is that when you switch off the television, put down the paper or close the latest deeply-meaningful (and infinitely depressing) novel, you have something comforting to turn to.

Of course you could just stick to drink and drugs, but by and large, books are cheaper and less harmful. So good health and happy reading to you all, and let's hope that next year is a little bit less grim. And if it isn't, try throwing a disaster party or two. 

By Hook or by Crook

When I was a child, we lived for a while in a small pink-washed villa called Owl's House. It had a living and dining room, kitchen, two and a half bedrooms, one bathroom and a verandah. It's a house I remember with great affection because it was there that I really learned to read, and there that my imagination first took flight.

Today I live in an old house on another continent, with an attic playroom and a study lined with children's books. We have seven grandchildren (so far) and although all are lucky enough to have parents who encourage reading and creative play, the outside world is now such a noisy, fast-moving, violent place that I feel the best thing we can give them is a space as far removed from it as possible, where their own imaginations will be free to roam.

I'm not the only one to worry about our children's world, judging from the responses to something I wrote recently. I'd had a rejection letter from a well-known agent. She had read and loved an earlier book I wrote about a magical journey through African time and space, and now she'd read and loved the sequel. This one has sea witches, serpents, and a mysterious lighthouse off the coast of Ireland, but however much she liked them - and she was lavish with her praise - she knew that she'd have difficulty placing them. The problem is that they're old-fashioned, in the sense of being traditional, magical adventures, and worse, they have no 'hook'. For hook read any of the fashionable issues and concerns that currently pervade so many children's books. I think the saddest response came from someone whose grandson had said he didn't want to know about these grown-up things, he just wanted to be a little boy.

Still, traditional writers shouldn't lose heart. What comes around goes around, and who knows? One day even  Enid Blyton might find herself redeemed. Parental responsibility could make a comeback too: after all, you don't have to buy your kids the latest badly written rubbish. You can even march into your local school and complain (as a writer friend did recently, more power to her elbow) when each pupil in her child's class was given a copy of a celebrity author's latest churned-out offering. Why not one of our many excellent, local writers, for goodness sake? Of course children won't always read the books you want them to, but there's nothing to stop you going into your local library or charity shop to look for alternatives: books you once enjoyed yourself, books that can be read aloud...and if it sounds good read out loud, it's probably ok. 

The autumn issue of Slightly Foxed not only features two wonderful children's writers in Maurice Sendak and Leon Garfield, it also has an article about A E Housman by David Fleming. He was converted to poetry, he writes, 'by the simple expedient of learning to read it out loud'.  In that long-ago pink house, my mother used to recite Matthew Arnold's Forsaken Merman to us at bedtime, an inspired choice for children who lived so close to the Indian Ocean - 'where great whales come sailing by, sail and sail with unshut eye, round the world for ever and aye'. But how many parents now have time to read aloud, or can compete with all the electronic devices vying for attention?

To get back to Slightly Foxed though, Hazel Woods 

added yet another title to my  endless shopping list: Dorothy Whipple's childhood memoir, The Other Day. And who knew Mary Norton of The Borrowers fame had written romantic fiction for women's magazines and led such an interesting life? There's also such an intriguing tribute to Elspeth Barker (by her daughter, Rafaella) that I bought her only novel, O Caledonia, at once. And yes, the writing is glorious, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to read it again. I found the story of the awkward, unlovable, Janet and her brief existence deeply unsettling. And no, I didn't think it bore any relation to I Capture the Castle, which is one of my all-time favourite novels. Don't take my word for it though - lots of people love it. And luckily Dorothy Whipple is now restoring my equilibrium. 

And one last story of childhood: Nobel Prize winner Abdulrazak Gurnah's Paradise. I love his writing and this was no exception. The story of Yusuf, pawned to pay his father's debts in colonial East Africa, somehow manages to be poignant, violent, beautiful and captivating all at once. I felt that Yusuf (unlike Janet) would survive.

I'm not sure my own children have read any of my novels (the adult ones are probably a bit too autobiographical for comfort - no-one really wants to read about their mother's misspent youth) but they do remember very fondly the books I read aloud when they were young. (Including The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings - both still in favour, I'm glad to see.) I'll probably self-publish the two rejected middle grade stories, even if it still feels a bit like cheating, and in the mean time, the wheels of publishing will go on spinning to maximise profits - understandably, I suppose. It's just our children who are so often being short changed.

Old Friends

Long, long ago, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth and I was young, we were taught to respect our elders and listen politely when they told us some boring story for the umpteenth time. This wasn't because of their superior wisdom (by and large, they were even stupider than we were) but because it was understood that life got harder to navigate as one grew older.

Of course, when we all became obsessed with eternal youth, respect went out the window: why would you offer anyone your seat on the bus, or not trample them underfoot in the race to board a train if they're pretending to be the same age that you are? Well, let me tell you something: no matter how hard you try to avoid it, you too will one day be creaking, crotchety, hard of hearing and endlessly repeating yourself. You will also have to say, to people you know perfectly well, I'm so sorry, I seem to have forgotten your name. (Although I suppose that's slightly better than I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten my name...)

Age does bring compensations. Doctors stop caring how much you drink (you can see the younger ones thinking, If I was that old, I'd also drink...) and there's more time to read or listen to podcasts. Professor Gloom, 77 and counting, currently enjoys The Rest is Politics with Rory Stewart and Alastair Campbell, and I  love the Slightly Foxed podcasts, the most recent of which featured Barbara Comyns. She's a writer I always admired, but I had no idea how similar our lives had been. Comyns, like me, went to art college and worked as an artist's model in her misspent youth. My recent novel, Life Study #2, available on Amazon - sorry, I'm officially the world's most hopeless self-publicist so I have to say that - draws on my own experience as a model. (See rare, clothed, example below.) She also moved a great deal and spent 18 years in another country - in her case Spain, in mine Zimbabwe. Anyway, Our Spoons Came from Woolworths - which I've just re-read - is an extraordinary book. As Maggie O'Farrell says in the foreword, Sophia is a heroine in every sense, and one you will never forget. 

Immortalised (with clothes) in 1965

There are a lot of things you shouldn't do when you're over 65 (like run for President) but you can please yourself in so many other things - like not reading anything you don't want to. I often avoid the much-praised, most talked about, novels of the moment but I have to say that I enjoyed Yellowface by Rebecca Kuang more than I expected. And a really interesting and engaging debut novel by Tibilisi-born Leo Vardiashvili is Hard by a Great Forest. 

Old friends bring other benefits. Often you've forgotten so much of the story that it's like reading a new novel, and quite often you enjoy a book more on the second or third reading. (The corollary is that you sometimes re-read a book you loved in your youth and find yourself thinking, what a load of pretentious twaddle.) Of the dozen or so books I've read lately, Rose Tremain's Absolutely and Forever and Willa Cather's A Lost Lady were both new finds, and Jennifer Johnston, Molly Keane and Barbara Pym have all been re-read with pleasure. A good murder is a safe bet too, and for reliably well-written, witty crime, Elly Griffiths is hard to beat. Ruth Galloway, her overweight, untidy, forensic archeologist with a complicated private life, is a particularly endearing character.

Lastly, the book that has most impressed me recently: West, by Carys Davies. Set in American pioneering days, it's been described by critics as spell-binding, haunting, luminous. For me it is a small masterpiece.

I notice there's only one man on this list but I have Sebastian Barry, William Boyd and Adulrazak Gurnah waiting (none of them spring chickens either) as well as The Coast Road, a debut novel by Alan Murrin which looks very promising. And although I think I may have said (more than once) that I'm not going to write any more blogs (or novels, come to that) when you're as old as I am, dear reader, you get a bit forgetful and tend to repeat yourself...because you see, long, long ago, when dinosaurs still roamed the earth...

LIFE STUDY #2

It seems I have an affinity with the number 9. 29 years ago my first children's book, The Animal Bus, was published. 19 years later I produced The Traveller's Guide to Love, and now - only 9 years on - a new adult novel, Life Study #2, has seen the light of day. According to Prof Gloom, this geometric progression should see my next book published in 2028 or 29. (Or else 29 is the total number of people likely to buy it.)

Of course this doesn't take into account Moon's Travelling Circus, a children's book  privately published in 2016, or the dozen or so hand-made books I've made for my family over the years, or even the odd bit of journalism. Whichever way you look at it, I'm painfully slow. And old. Also, each book is different from the last, so I'm hardly a publisher's dream - which is why this new novel has been self-published.

Works of heart, if not art...

It's been a very strange experience. Even with encouragement from family and  friends, it still felt somehow fraudulent to publish it myself, but it was either that or let years of work sink without trace. And given the chances of getting a book traditionally published these days, I count myself lucky that at least it happened to me twice, with all the fun of launches, readings, interviews, etc.

Self-publication was a bit like giving birth with no-one there to welcome the baby. It wasn't that friends and family didn't offer, I just couldn't face the embarrassment of plugging my own book. And yet, when I look at fellow writers - even those published by major houses - the amount they're expected to do these days amazes me: arrange their own launches (and even provide the wine) and then waste months of good writing time dashing from one appearance to another...and all for a pittance. 

A civilised book launch

Anyway, given a first-rate guide and consultant (mine was the sainted Averill Buchanan - whom I cannot recommend highly enough) self-publishing can be a whole lot less stressful - especially if you're not expecting to make any money. Then, if you open a bottle of Cap Classique (South African champagne - but you can drink French if you absolutely have to) and share it with someone you love, it's not a bad way to launch a book. And this is one of those times when I'm deeply grateful to social media, because a single posting on Facebook has resulted in so many encouraging messages that I might even do it again one day.

But not just yet.

   

BANNED BOOKS

DECONSTRUCTING DAHL

Having failed to enjoy a run of tormented, gloomy, deeply-meaningful novels - many of them by people barely out of the cradle - I started making a list of the books I've most enjoyed that are by, and about, older people.

It starts with one of my all-time favourites - Penelope Lively's Moon Tiger. Claudia, sometime war correspondent and popular historian - a law unto herself even while dying in a hospital bed in Cairo - is reviewing her turbulent life and times. Funnily enough, Penelope Lively's name, and this particular novel, came up in a Slightly Foxed literary group discussion the other day. The group, like Moon Tiger's heroine (and Slightly Foxed itself) are curious, independent-minded, and thoroughly engaging. And Lively is a wonderful writer who richly deserves to be revisited. 

Next is Embers, by Sándor Márai. This is the story of a single night in a castle at the foot of the Carpathian Mountains, where, from dusk to dawn, an ageing aristocrat and the friend he hasn't seen for over forty years 'fight a duel of words, of stories, of accusations and evasions' as they rehash their own past. An extraordinary book.

My third, thought by many to be Jane Gardam's masterpiece, is Old Filth. 'Filth' - which stands for Failed In London, Try Hong Kong - is an international lawyer whose story covers the period from the days of Empire, through World War 11, to the present. The first in a trilogy; beguiling, moving - and very funny.

There are so many others, from that Gentleman in Moscow to Patrick Leigh Fermor's two-volume account of his epic walk from the Hook of Holland to Constantinople/Istanbul, recalled some forty and fifty years later...but at this point I got sidetracked by the latest literary kerfuffle: Puffin's sanitising of Roald Dahl. 

Perhaps I should say how deeply remorseful I myself feel for using terms like fat, or bald as an egg, in my own writing, now that I understand how hurtful this must be for enormous human beings who suffer from hair loss? (Enormous? Really? Yes, really. Apparently enormous is better than fat.) But actually, the whole thing is such arrant nonsense that I can't be bothered. I am sorry, though, for younger writers who find themselves having to negotiate today's obstacle course of sensitivity-readers, lived experience, own voices, etc. It's no wonder so many new books are tormented. 

I have a large library of original children's books to read to my grandchildren, some of which would undoubtedly fall foul of today's sensitivity censors, but I very much doubt that reading any one of my books would harm a child a fraction as much as the violence that they are permitted to see on screen any day of the week, or the vicious intolerance of so many adults towards those with whose views they disagree. How sad that civilised discussion, and agreeing to disagree, seems so difficult these days. For my money, there are worse things than hurt feelings to worry about in this world - the dire state of the planet, poverty, war - so maybe what we should be teaching our children is to think less of their own feelings and more about others, and to learn from the past, rather than waste time trying to erase it. 

I see that Puffin has now promised to re-release the unexpurgated works of Dahl, so obviously I'm not alone in thinking they're idiots. And yes, I know Dahl had some deeply offensive views, but a great many unpleasant people have produced extraordinary art, and I've always thought this cult of the personality rather than the work was a mistake. In fact, the less we know about the writer, the better. The thing about Dahl is that his writing has introduced the joy of reading to countless children, and given pleasure to millions.

Children aren't interested in our adult obsessions - or ordinary, boring adults for that matter. They prefer wizards, witches and nasty, incompetent criminals they can easily outwit. And I make no apology for posting, once again, this picture of one of my own favourite older characters in children's literature (and my personal role model) - Quentin Blake's glorious illustration of 'a wicked old woman' propped up in bed and laughing, with a bottle of champagne beside her. John Masefield's Miss Piney Trigger of Trigger Hall. I don't think she'd have been too worried about hurting your feelings. She'd have told you to get a grip and then booted you down the stairs.

OF CATS AND QUEENS...

 

Ailurophobes look away now: this one is about cats. And queens...

You don't have to be a monarchist to admire a woman who took on a job she didn't ask for and did it with such extraordinary diligence, dignity and warmth for over 70 years - and without, so far as I know, ever once thumping some infuriating politician, minor royal or head of state. I like to think of Queen Elizabeth now, feet up, glass in hand and ghostly corgis by her side, enjoying her well-earned rest while previous wearers of the crown queue up to congratulate her on doing the job a damn sight better and longer than anyone else.

I can't say I ever saw a picture of the Queen with a cat, but then, we all have our failings - not that I dislike dogs and horses, but for me the cat has always been the ideal writer's companion: beautiful, mysterious, comforting and silent (unless hungry) and they don't have to be taken for walks. Nor do I go out of my way to collect cat books, but much like the animals themselves (and with a little help from my friends) they tend to accumulate. 

I can't remember now who gave me this cat diary, but in it I've recorded the lives of all the cats I remember, from long-ago South African childhood pets to the most recently-deceased. Cats quite often use up their nine lives sooner than expected, and the deaths of some of mine still haunt me, but they brought me comfort in the worst of times, and drawing and writing about them has always been therapeutic.

Ptolemy, who came to us 3 months ago, is curious, gentle, a friend to all; and a regular visitor to a nearby house that's home to members of the Camphill Community, who would love a cat of their own. The other day one of the residents knocked at our door. She cannot speak in words that we can understand, but she can paint, and it seems that Tolly had been sitting for his portrait, because she handed me the picture, framed and ready to hang - an unexpected, deeply moving gift, proving that one small cat can spread a lot of joy.

There's some terribly sad writing about cats (Paul Gallico and Colette both traumatised me in my youth) but there's so much more that is gloriously funny - Wodehouse, Thurber, Lear, Twain and Eliot - as well as a wealth of wonderful children's books: Mog, Orlando, The Cat in the Hat. And then there are poems, like Yeats's Cat and the Moon...

    'Minnaloushe creeps through the grass, alone, important and wise,

    And lifts to the changing moon his changing eyes.' 

But my all-time favourite, and ultimate role model, has to be that great survivor, the immortal Mehitabel, creation of Don Marquis, and friend of Archy the typing cockroach...

i was several 

Tolly and portrait

ladies my little

insect says she

being cleopatra was

only an incident

in my career...

but wotthehell

little archy wot

thehell

its cheerio 

my deario

that pulls a

lady through

exclamation point...

...always my luck

yesterday an empress

and today too

emaciated to interest

a vivisectionist but

toujours gai archy

toujours gai and always

a lady in spite of hell

and transmigration

once a queen

always a queen

archy

period

He ends with this: 'her morals may have been mislaid somewhere in the centuries boss but i admire her spirit'.  Me too, Archy, me too.

A SNOWMAN IN HARARE

Thirty-something years ago in Harare, Zimbabwe, the pupils in my son Daniel's class put on a performance of The Snowman. Dan was the narrator, and my de facto other son, his best friend Maruza,  mimed the part of the snowman. It is one of the abiding memories of my life- - even in the school hall of a government primary school in the middle of Africa and the heat of summer, the magic of Raymond Briggs enchanted the audience, most of whom had never seen snow and ice. The Snowman, Fungus the Bogeyman, The Bear, the terrifying When the Wind Blows, Ethel and Ernest: wonderful books, and a glorious antidote to all things saccharine and sentimental.

Briggs died on the 9th of August. Two days later, French illustrator Jean Jacques Sempé also died. I always loved his work, so I'm re-reading my old copy of Marcellin Caillou, which is about the right level for my French, and it's giving me great pleasure. Le petit Marcellin has an embarrassing malady: he blushes all the time, for no reason at all. Luckily he makes friends with René Rateau - 'un enfant délicieux' - who suffers from his own unusual problem: he sneezes constantly. The drawings of these two beleaguered but kind and  philosophical little people supporting each other through daily life are hopeful, captivating, funny - and again, in no way sentimental.

So farewell and thank you, Jean Jacques and Raymond, and thank you Bernie McGill for your new collection of short stories, This Train is For. The title story broke my heart. I rarely cry, but this one did for me. I've only read the first three but they were so good that I'm going to sip the rest slowly - like the finest wine. (Note to self: is this the beginning of a whole new career - matching books to wine?)

The other two novels that have stayed in my mind lately are The Tortoise and the Hare, by Elizabeth Jenkins, and Barbara Kingsolver's Lacuna. The former I had read some years ago, but someone mentioned Hilary Mantel's admiration for the book, so I read it again, with more attention. I'd forgotten what a beautiful writer she is, and I love this book for her insight and language, rather than the characters. They are the products - and casualties - of their time: Imogen is the decorative, gentle, placatory wife and solid, tweedy Blanche the older, assertive countrywoman. Both are in competition for the affections of Evelyn - although why anyone would want him remains a mystery. 

Lacuna, on the other hand, has a central character for whom I felt such affection that despite an initial disinclination to read a 600-page novel, even by Barbara Kingsolver, that featured Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera and Trotsky (intriguing characters, unquestionably, but all in one book sounded like cultural overload) once I had started, I couldn't put it down. It's also a reminder that books sometimes deserve a second chance: this book has been on my shelf for years but I gave up on the first attempt because of its length.

I began with Zimbabwe - the country that gave me 18 wonderful years and so many lasting friendships - so let me end there. Blind Ambition, a documentary film about four young black Zimbabwean migrants who endure extraordinary hardships to reach South Africa and turn themselves, against all the odds, into award-winning sommeliers. That's the second time this week that I've found myself in tears: heart-breaking, joyous and utterly inspiring - do yourselves a favour and go and see it.

The answer to Wordle earlier this week was 'gecko' - a small hardy lizard for which I have a particular fondness. They flickered across my childhood walls and occasionally dropped from the rafters onto an unsuspecting head or lap. I got the word quickly, which is always partly due to luck, but cheered me up because it seemed to prove I was finally shaking off the COVID caught while visiting our family in South Africa. 

We weren’t surprised when we tested positive: we’d been travelling for the first time since it all began and we did more socialising in Johannesburg in 3 weeks than we’d done in the previous 2 years. Still, we’d had the vaccines and boosters and although the first few days brought all the expected symptoms - hacking cough, brain-fog, pain, fatigue, plus a few more – I wasn't expecting what happened on day 8, when I suddenly found myself barely able to move or talk. Be warned, friends, this thing can turn extremely nasty.

So, while the vote was being counted in Northern Ireland, I was being cared for in A+E. My youngest child was standing for election, and it seemed a terrible dereliction of  maternal duty to abandon my watch, but then it occurred to me that if I actually died, it might cast even more of a blight on proceedings. Anyway, she got in and I got out, and here I am again, a tad more battered but extremely proud that my little daughter (in reality 34 years old, inches taller than her mother and expecting her second child any minute) has been elected a Member of the Legislative Assembly for the cross-community Alliance Party. 

Alliance, and I quote, ‘was founded in 1970 with the objective of healing the bitter divisions in our community. We believe in a shared society, free from intimidation, discrimination and fear, where everyone is safe, can play their part and is treated fairly and with respect.’ Well, for my money, you can’t say fairer than that. I came here myself for the first time in 1970, a period vividly recalled for me by Louise Kennedy’s new novel, Trespasses. I was so painfully reminded of those days – the fear, the bigotry, the violence, and the shocking attitudes to women – that I wasn’t sure I could go on. But once you start reading Kennedy, you can never stop; she breaks your heart but she gives you hope, and I think she is extraordinary.  And 50 years on, we have proof that even in the most bitterly divided of societies, a few good people banding together can eventually bring about change. Alliance is also a party notable for being both led by a woman and represented by an unusual number of brave, principled, and inspiring women. My daughter is in excellent company.

Enough of that. This blog is supposed to be about books, and I’ve been trying to think of a memorable novel about a woman in politics – there are any number about men - but Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife apart, I’ve drawn a blank. Suggestions, as always, will be welcome. My holiday reading was mainly escapist. A Discovery of Witches (witches, vampires and demons living undercover in Oxford - and where better?) was fun at first but 600+ pages of delayed gratification, in every sense, was far too much. The Word is Murder came next, the first in Anthony Horowitz’s Hawthorne-Horowitz series. I'd already enjoyed A Line to Kill, where the action takes place at a literary festival in Alderney (and what writer hasn’t been moved from time to time by literary festivals to thoughts of murder?) and now I'm looking forward to The Sentence is Death. Horowitz sets out to entertain you, and he does it with consummate ease. I also read the third of Amor Towles’ novels, The Lincoln Highway. His second, A Gentleman in Moscow, is still my most enjoyable book of the year; Rules of Civility, his first, was also highly readable, if not in the same class. And perhaps it was partly due to COVID but for me The Lincoln Highway, despite some memorable characters, was in the end too sprawling and unfocused. A pity. 

As so often happens, my back-up book proved best of all. In the Skin of a Lion by Michael Ondaatje, was hardly escapist, but such a moving, lyrical account of the strange lives and loves of the immigrants, workers and dreamers who were building Toronto in the 1920s, that I couldn’t put it down.

Like so many others, my own family have travelled far from their beginnings. I sometimes think we'd all have been better off if humans had just stayed home and quietly tended whatever corner of the planet they'd been born in, but it's a bit late for that now. All we can really do is remind ourselves that although we are threatened by so much - not least, the older, power-hungry men and women who continue to send the terrified young to fight their battles for them - there is always hope. And cling on for dear life when the walls start closing in. A bit like geckos.